


When He Sings... Badly

by KrisKris



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Agender Character, Asexual Character, Domestic, Drabbles, Established Relationship, M/M, a series of drabbles where Rhys sings badly, also some headcanons, c'mon I can't do this by myself guys, more zerhys stuff, we need more zerhys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 21:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6255973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisKris/pseuds/KrisKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys sings while he's working, while he's showering, tinkering with devices and because he feels like it or when he sings along with the radio. But he doesn't sing quite like an angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When He Sings... Badly

**Author's Note:**

> If someone is ooc, please forgive me. My knowledge of Borderlands is limited only to what I looked up, what I understood from the game (a little) and Tales from the Borderlands.
> 
> Also this pairing is ruining my life and I like it.
> 
> Bed Peace - Jhene Aiko

Rhys sings while he's working, while he's showering, tinkering with devices and because he feels like it or when he sings along with the radio. But he doesn't sing quite like an angel.

Zer0 doesn't frequently listen to any music. He prefers the silence because it helps him work. But Rhys' horrendous singing doesn't bother them. To them, it just means Rhys was in a good mood.

When they aren't talking, the brunet sings randomly. Zer0 was sure that Rhys' friends would laugh or mock him if they heard. It would have sounded something like this:

"Oh my god," Fiona might say.

"Sounds like a cat is having a stroke." They imagined Sasha saying.

"Rhys is such a great singer! Listen to those high notes!" Gortys would say when Rhys actually sounded more like a buzzsaw.

"If I had ears, they would be bleeding." If Loader Bot heard him.

"You know, how do you do it? Listening to him sing, I mean." There would be concern in Vaughn's voice if he were to ask the assassin.

"Even a skag's cries are more pleasant than this." Yvette might comment.

"I don't have a response to this." Athena would say.

Rhys' music taste ranged from something light and easy listening to something a bit heavier. At times, he listened to alternative music and sometimes rock.

Most of the time, Zer0 couldn't make out a single word when Rhys was singing loudly. But they understood what the song was saying as Rhys practically memorized every verse and the chorus, he knew exactly when an interlude began and when a solo ended.

When Zer0 left the brunet to his own devices, they would often catch Rhys dancing along to the song or some times he would shamelessly sing with a screwdriver in hand.

It was amusing to watch and the assassin couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. They would leave him alone often just to watch what he does.

More often than not, they would walk in when Rhys was really into it, dancing around and happily singing.

It wasn't until one day, Zer0 brought home some company after a long day of taking care of a few missions. That was the first time they had witnessed something so awful that it was too funny.

Rhys was wearing nothing but a shirt, boxers and a pair of mismatched, brightly colored socks, one with stars and the other with cats on them.

He was jamming out to Jhene Aiko, holding the screwdriver like a microphone singing way off-key.

"Let's get faded

Better call your job tell em' you won't make it

Ain't nobody here, baby, let's get wasted

We should just get naked-Oh!"

Rhys dropped the tool he was holding when he saw Zer0 standing in the door way.

He was looking at the assassin and the other two vault hunters standing behind them. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He raised his finger but couldn't find any words.

He had to take a moment because his face was red.

The blue-haired siren giggled.

"Y-You didn't tell me y-y-you had v-visitors! I-I thought you were on-on a mission!"

"Yes, and I returned." Zer0 replied.

Rhys couldn't tell what the assassin was feeling, what he was thinking. Damn that helmet! It gave Zer0 the upper hand, making them pokerfaced.

He felt embarrassed and didn't know where to look. He held Dumpy in one hand, the small robot neglected while he sang his heart out.

The bigger male, Salvador looked down at the brunet's feet and chuckled. "'Ey, nice socks, amigo."

"I-I'm...gonna go change." He slinks away from the trio, leaving the room. "I bought some pizza, if...anyone wants any..." he said shyly, hiding behind the door to another room.

"That was quite a show." Maya was impressed and glanced over at Zer0 whose entire faceplate was red.

"Maybe you should take him up on that offer, amigo. Let's see what's underneath that suit." Salvador teased, helping himself to a slice of pizza.

"You deal with this thing often?" Maya noticed how red the assassin was but didn't comment on it.

Zer0 thought it was cute how Rhys reacted but they would not openly admit it. They were used to the brunet's antics after being around him for so long that it wasn't anything to be too concerned about. It wasn't even embarrassing. They liked being around Rhys. The man was goofy, kind of a klutz and he was very cuddly all at once. He even made the place lively even when Zer0 preferred the silence.

They could listen to him go on all day about what happened at work, the dreams he had, something that made him upset where he couldn't shut up about it...

"Hellooo?" The siren waved her hand in their face when an ellipses appeared on their faceplate when they were thinking. "Zer0?? You there?"

"I am used to this./ Nothing to worry about./ He does this a lot./"

"Whatever you say." Maya shrugged. "That's love, right?"

"Love makes you feel strange./ It makes you do somersaults/ And your heart races./"

"Aww...Zer0!" squealed Rhys. "Is that how you feel about me?"

"You were listening!?/"

"Consider us even now!" He laughed.


	2. Cuddles and Penis Jokes

It was a surprisingly quiet morning except for the sound of rain pouring down against the windowsill. It was quiet and relaxing.

Rhys was the type to sleep in on his days off. Some times he would sleep an entire day and Zer0 had to check up on him to see if he were still alive.

The fog that appeared on their faceplate was enough proof for them to know. If it wasn't Rhys' breath, it was mostly likely the snoring or the way he moved around in his sleep. Not once did they ever try to wake him.

Watching the man sleep made him look peaceful and graceful almost, despite the drool rolling down the side of his mouth.

Zer0 was cleaning their guns when they heard the shower go off.

Rhys was finally awake. It was three in the afternoon last they checked.

It was earlier than the last time where he woke up at five and just watched as Zer0 tended to his weaponry the entire day.

There were times where they teased him while they reloaded their rifle, staring dead at him. The motion was almost erotic, leaving the other speechless as a wink appeared on their faceplate.

It was amusing seeing the look on his face.

They loved to flirt with Rhys especially when it resulted in him blushing. Just the thought made them chuckle. But the idea of sex was out if the question.

As much as they did some things explicit such as stroke their rifle painfully slow or made a phallic emoticon at Rhys's direction, it was only done out of sheer, self-entertainment. Nothing more. They would rather stick with cuddles and kisses any day.

Rhys' voice broke the pleasant silence of mere raindrops as he began to sing.

"Use the sleeves of my sweater,

Let's have an adventure

Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered!" His voice cracked.

Zer0 chuckled, shaking their head as they continued tending to their guns. It was just another day where they simply listened to Rhys singing. It sounded like a garbage disposal to anyone that heard him. They were surprised when they heard him singing one morning but they were unfazed by it.

They figured it was just Rhys' way of relaxing. The assassin rarely talked more than they worked so that could be another reason. It was Rhys that spoke more words than they did.

"'Cause it's too cooold whoa-WHOA, whoa. That-That is cold!" He heard Rhys say as he stepped into the shower.

After a few seconds of silence, he started up again.

"So let me hooooold whoaaa

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater!"

\--

Zer0 was already finished with their weapons and was holding their sword in a very compromising position from where they sat, waiting for Rhys.

The brunet walked into the kitchen where Zer0 was and sat across from them, he made a face when he saw the sword sitting between their thighs.

"Are you hungry, Rhys?/ Should I make you something?/"

"I'm fine. But please don't wave your sword at me like that while you ask me if I'm hungry."

A frown appeared on Zer0's helmet but they went faster. "Should I do better?/ Is it not what you want?/ Please tell me, Rhysie."

"Oh my god," Rhys chuckled with a snort. "Stop. Zer0, stop."

Then they flashed a penis emoticon, earning an even harder laugh from the brunet before stopping and flashed a grin, laughing along with them.

It took Rhys a good ten minutes to stop laughing whenever he looked at his lover. After a good laugh, he wiped his tears and took a breather.

"It's a good thing you don't go to any of my meetings." He said. "I don't think I could handle it."

Zer0 sheathed his sword and went to put it aside.

"Is that your way of wanting to get into my pants?" Rhys teased.

They shook their head. "I much like cuddles./ Sex is not essential to/ A relationship./"

"Tell that to Handsome Jack."

"But he is dead, Rhys./"

"I knew that. I just meant that rhetorically."

They stared at each other in brief silence until Rhys finally spoke up.

"So on a lighter note." He looked up at the window. "Think the rain will let up any time soon?"

"I hope it will not./ If it did, it won't be fun./"

"But I thought you didn't like the rain."

Zer0 walked over to Rhys, petting his head gently before touching his face. "Rain is good for cuddling./"

Rhys blushed. "Oh, I-Well..." he couldn't find the words to respond to that.

"Rain; sweater weather./"

"Good song, isn't it?"

" **?** "

"Never mind."

They said nothing and picked him up in his arms, taking Rhys by surprise and walked over to the living room.

"Z-Zer0?"

They put him onto the couch gently and sat down before putting Rhys onto their lap. The brunet blushed. He felt small on the lean assassin's lap but he didn't mind it.

He felt safe in their arms and hugged their neck, grinning as he pressed himself close.

Zer0 leaned their head against Rhys' forehead.

"You're really good at cuddling."

"But you are better./ Your cuddles are warmer than/what I could muster./"

"Thanks. I've had some practice."

"I am curious./ With whom do you practice with?/ I would like to know./"

"With you, you dummy!" He cried and kissed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this one is a lot dirtier than I expected it to be. XD
> 
> I hope you had a lot of fun reading this as much I did writing it. Gosh, I love them. Also a random headcanon that Rhys sings badly just happened to pop into my head when I was listening to Pandora. (And I mean the radio app. It's pretty great. Helps me write and helps with my anxiety.)
> 
> Sweater Weather - The Neighborhood


	3. Two Nerds In Love

Zer0 just got back from a mission with something in hand for Rhys. As per request from the brunet days before.

 _"If you find anything interesting, uh, can I have it?"_ He said.

They spotted Fiona, who was lightly banging her head against the wall by the door. There was music playing from the other side. Obviously, Rhys was home. But why was Fiona outside?

"Fi, are you alright?" They said as they approached her.

She leaned her head against the wall. "Rhys is inside." She groaned. "But he isn't answering his comm. Also what the hell is that noise?! It sounds like he's being skinned alive in there."

Zer0 tilted his head, trying to make out what she meant.

"Giiiiirl,

If they don't know your worth

Tell 'em you're my girl!"

"I believe he is singing."

"What?!" cried Fiona. "That's singing?! It sounds like a psycho is having a skin pizza and the person isn't even dead yet!"

"Would you let me call you my girl, my girlfriend, my girlfriend?"

"Whatever ****girl he's talking about, she isn't coming with a voice like that!" She said through gritted teeth. She looked back at Zer0 and spotted something in their hands.

"What's that?"

"I got him something./ It was a request he made/ Before I left here./"

"Baby, if I told you that you rock my world, I want you around me!"

"I swear to god..." Fiona rubbed her eyes.

Zer0 stepped aside, unlocking the door and walked into the apartment.

"We don't fight, we just fuck-oh, hey! You...You have impeccable timing!"

Fiona could only make out so much she had to press her ear to the door. The radio was turned off and there were hushed voices from the inside.

Rhys laughed and then his tone sounded confused. There was a clatter and then, "Oh! Oh my god!!"

Fiona nearly stumbled as the door swung open. "Rhys, what the hell!"

"Should not have been eavesdropping." Zer0 teased Fiona.

"Oh, shut up. Whose side are you on, anyway?" She said as she made her way inside.

"You really like to barge in like you own the place."

"I've been outside for almost an hour hearing you trying to fend off a psycho."

"What? I wasn't fighting a psycho-"

"Oh, that sounded like fighting to me."

"Should I leave you two alone?/"

"What, no! Zer0, it's not like that-ooh!" He was handed a shield.

"As you've requested."

"Ohh my god. Thanks!"

"But it is broken./ The shield is a Rose model./"

"Did you just say it was a Rose model?!" Rhys echoed. "Zer0! Zer0!"

" **?** "

"What a wasted opportunity to tell me 'Honey, I got you flowers!'"

"Nngh.." Fiona facepalmed. "You guys are such nerds!"

"God, Zer0! Zer0!!!" Rhys was whining.

"Rhys, I'm pretty sure everyone already knows Zer0's name."

"Zer0..." he was still whining about how cute it would have been if the assassin said that. Calling him "honey". But they didn't seem the type to use pet names.

Rhys didn't mind it.

But the missed pun!!

They said nothing and leaned their faceplate against Rhys' face, making him blush.

The man giggled and covered his face against their chest, wrapping his arms around them. Whatever Zer0 was trying to do, it was only making Rhys disgustingly gushy.

Zer0 looked at Fiona and she put her hands on her hips and grinned.

"Uhm, unless you just called me in here to show off how much you love each other maybe I should just go before things get pretty serious."

Rhys suddenly pulled away from Zer0. "Wait, no, Fiona! I'm ready to go, I just need to grab my jacket." He said before leaving the room.

"We're just gonna hang out for some drinks." The redhead explained. "You wanna come? I know those missions kept you busy for a while."

"I appreciate/ The offer, but I will stay./ Please take care of Rhys."

"Will do." She looked over at Rhys when he returned and headed out the door. "I'm gonna wait outside."

"I'll see you later, then."

" **< 3**"

"Aww... I love you, too."

They then flashed the penis emoticon.

"Hahaha!" Rhys slapped at their chest. "Stop. I gotta go."

Zer0 grabbed at his wrist and hugged him tightly.

Rhys smiled and kissed their neck as they pulled away.

"Don't have too much fun without me!" He said as he walked out the door.

Zer0 watched as the two descended down the stairs, the two waving at the assassin.

"I miss you!" Rhys made a little heart with his hands and Fiona just smiled, shaking her head.

"Oh, just get married already!"

"Fiona!" Rhys' entire face turned red and he crossed his arms. He turned away and tried to hide his smile.

Zer0's faceplate turned red and they flashed a grin at the comment.

"Come on, lover boy!" She waved at Zer0 once more before heading down flights of stairs.

Rhys smiled at Zer0 then followed after her.

"Wait up!"

They waved back and then closed the door. They leaned their head against the door and sighed. They felt like lovesick mush with the way their knees felt.

"Is this how Rhys feels?/ Rhys, you delicate flower./ You did this to me./"

It was such a satisfying feeling and they loved it. They loved the way Rhys made them feel and they were glad Rhys felt the same.

They were two nerds in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girl (ft. KAYTRANADA) - The Internet
> 
> In case anyone wants to know what song Rhys was singing. Lmao I highly doubt it but there you go anyway. ;)


	4. Don't Get Smarmy With Me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here, we have a brief tour of the zerhys living room. Have fun. Also I don't think this was my best one. :P sorry.
> 
> P.S. I like seeing Zer0 in a sweater. Thank you, tumblr.
> 
> Syndicate - The Fray

It was common a occurrence to see people they knew at the door but it was a pleasant surprise to see Loader Bot and Gortys.

"Loader Bot, Gortys./"

"Oh, hi Zer0!"

"Are you here for Rhys?/"

"Yes." Loader Bot replied. "He asked for a favor."

"It's been so long since we last saw each other!" Gortys exclaimed. "It's so nice to see you again!" She hugged the assassin's legs.

"Nice to see you, too, Gortys./ Rhys is cleaning. Here./"

They stepped aside to give the two robots room to go in.

It was convenient now that Loader Bot was at least human size so he was able to go inside of smaller spaces.

"What a lovely home you have!"

The place was almost minimalistic. The black, white and gray fit together nicely. It would have almost been a monochromatic aesthetic if it weren't for a few red pillows at the corner of the couch and a smiling cute, little blue star sitting at the center.

On the walls were many pictures of Rhys and Zer0 together, one lone picture of Rhys asleep in bed, hugging a pillow and another with a content-seeming Zer0 wearing a red, turtleneck sweater.

Most likely, these were personal favorites the two of them chose much to Rhys' dismay of what his partner decided on. Now everyone knew how he slept like. Although, if they liked it then he couldn't complain.

There were even a few pictures with Vaughn, Sasha and Fiona making goofy faces and many others. The picture underneath that one showed Rhys holding a huge cake in his hands, the candles were smushed and the words, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RHYS" were reduced to little, red smudges with frosting plastered all over his face.

Judging by the angle, it was Fiona that took a selfie while Vaughn was pointing and laughing in the background, a small party hat atop his head.

"I remember that one." Loader Bot said as he looked at the image.

"That was fun! Rhys really liked his cake!"

A voice startled the trio, it was hard to tell it was a decent song because it was off-key. The singing suddenly got nearer before going farther again.

"Baby close your eyes, don't open til the morning light..."

Loader Bot looked at Zer0. "What. Was. That?"

"Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet and all we know for sure..."

"Oh, what beatiful singing!"

"Singing?" Loader Bot was confused.

"Baby don't forget, we haven't lost it all yet~"

"I think something was lost along those lines."

"Oh, Rhys!!" Gortys called out before hovering over to where he was.

"We haven't-Aah!"

Startled, Rhys fell back, clinging to the wall for support as he tried to get up. "G-Gortys, hi!"

"We heard you singing! It was like a dream!"

"You-Oh, you heard that."

Rhys felt really self-conscious when someone else heard him. He was comfortable singing around Zer0 but when people overhear him, he just gets really embarrassed when people suddenly blurt out, "I heard you!" Like he had a secret or something.

"W-Well, anyway." He straightened up. "LB, here?"

"Yup! Also how was that cake?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you remember last year when you had that huge cake and then when you blew out your candles, Fiona pushed-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really funny. Haha." The brunet said a bit sarcastically but it had flown over the small robot's head.

"It was! I hope it was really delicious!"

"Yeah." He replied. "I do like chocolate...hey, LB! Can I get a hand, buddy?"

The robot stuck his head into the doorway.

"Ask and you shall receive."

"Just cleaning up a few things." Rhys said. "Wanna get those things for me? They're a little heavy."

"You just have weak arms./ 'Little' is an understatement./" The assassin teased.

"I don't lift, okay?" Rhys retorted. "If you care so much then you lift it."

" **:P** "

"Oh, don't give me that look."

" **8===D** "

"Or that!"

" **< 3**"

"Okay, I can't get mad at that face." It was one of his weaknesses right next to the helmet kisses and cuddles.

"Uhh..guys?" Loader Bot was caught between their crossfire with a couple of junk in his arms. He made it look easy holding it up like that.

Rhys chuckled and ran his hands through his hair.

Zer0 shook their head and went to grab whatever else was lying around that Rhys didn't need. It looked really heavy but they were holding it up like it was nothing despite their thin arms.

"Oh, god," Rhys said under his breath, leaning against the wall. "That was so hot."

Gortys was staring at Rhys, curious.  
"What was? It didn't look too hot. If it was, they would have gotten burned!"

"Oh, Gortys, how nice it would be to still have your innocence." He said to himself. He spotted the pearlescent shield on his nightstand from a couple of days ago and picked it up. Might as well just tinker around with it since there was nothing else to do.

"What's that?"

"Just something Zer0 picked up on one of his missions."

Rhys replied with a sigh. "Too bad they missed an opportunity to say a joke right as he handed it to me."

"Opportunity?/ Rhys, it has been said and done./ The joke is now dead."

"You didn't have to be mean about it."

"I am sorry, Rhys/ But I mean it when I say/ Get over it, hon."

Rhys' jaw dropped to the floor. Did Zer0 just turn the tables on him and got sassy?

"Hey! Don't give me pet names when you're only getting smarmy with me!"

The comeback Zer0 just said took Rhys completely off-guard. They never spoke that way before. In fact, it was the first time they had achieved a burn so brutal that it left him so confused, speechless.

He preferred the innuendos. 

"You guys seem very excited today! What's happening?"

"Sassmaster Zer0, that's totally what's happening right now."

" **;)** "

"Oh, piss off!" Rhys chuckled. "I hate you so much."


	5. It Was Just Once, Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The discussion of Rhys' previous sex lives come to fruition when he digs his own grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how I said I was gonna take a break from this series? I might have lied. This otp will always be on my mind even if it isn't.
> 
> Also the names used aren't canon. I just pulled those out of my ass. XD
> 
> Fix You - Coldplay

"Honey, I brought you flowers!" Vaughn laughed. "That was a good one! Unbelievable!"

Rhys chuckled as he was tinkering with the shield they were having a conversation about, ironically enough.

"Still, it's nice that they kept me in mind. I didn't think they would actually do it." He said. "I was just curious to see what they find."

"Most people expect real flowers as a gift, not Rose models."

"Yeah, but it's such a rarity! Not to mention they'll even get things I like and I don't ask half of the time!"

"No wonder you never run out on ice cream."

"I can't believe you made Zer0 your ice cream pimp." Yvette shook her head. "You guys have a weird relationship."

The brunet chuckled. "They mean well. We don't argue, they always come home, they cook food for me if I'm hungry, when they're out on missions, they like to leave little post-it notes around the house and...they're just so patient with me."

His two best friends look at him longingly as they spot a smile on the man's face without him realizing it.

He looks up at them and frowns. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." They both said.

"Man, you guys have such a nice relationship. I'm a bit jealous." Vaughn said. "And I'm still single."

"Did you hear Samantha and Garrett from office broke up?" Rhys switched tools and turned the shield over.

"Wait, wait, wait. Samantha from accounting or Samantha from management?"

"Management." Yvette and Rhys replied in unison before looking at each other.

"When did that happen?"

"Dude, there was literally a meeting about office romance after word got out. Everyone was required to go. Did you sleep through it?" Rhys shook his head. "They made me go for some reason and I'm dating someone who has a different occupation and they don't even work at Atlas!"

"Well, no one knows about you and Zer0 yet."

"Everyone's betting that you and Vaughn have a thing."

"No way!" Vaughn cried in disbelief.

"I mean, hey, when you got a bro..."

"...You gotta be bromantic!"

"Hell yeah!" They gave each other a casual fistbump.

"Oh, spare me."

"So what else did they bet on, that my secretary Mason is under the table during my meetings?"

Rhys thought it was interesting that his employees were trying to guess what type of people he was into. He wouldn't mind blowing all their minds when they find out he was seeing a vault hunter, not to mention they were a badass assassin to top it off. But he figured they can have their fun until the time came where he can pull out Zer0 as his secret weapon and everyone has a run for their money.

He couldn't wait to see how ballistic things got if they were trying to figure out what gender the assassin was or if they were even human. Oh, the look on their faces were sure to have him keeping that in his mind for him to look back on.

Maybe he'd take a picture if he had the chance. For now, that would have to wait until he was ready. Save for a gathering, he decided.

"Oh geez, accounting has been betting that since the beginning." Vaughn mused. "Also maybe a little bit of you and Susan from resources, too."

"It's like whoever I talk to they think we're having sex. No, I don't even... Zer0 and I aren't down that road. At least... not yet."

Sex wasn't a thing they were into. Rhys didn't care if other people had sex ten times a day or whenever they felt the need. He liked Zer0, they liked him, that was all that mattered.

Sexual contact didn't make the relationship. It was communication and how you handled each other in terms of understanding. There was also hand holding, kisses, cuddles, hugs... he could go on.

"Rhys, so you're still a..."

"Sh-Shut up!"

"No, Yvette...remember..."

"...The fling you had with Handsome Jack way back when?"

"Guys! Can we not get off-topic here?" He was turning red.

"We are talking about you, Rhys, how are we off-topic?"

"I just....can we not mention that, please! It was that one time and we didn't even last a year!"

"Aha! I told you it was the thing!" Vaughn abruptly shouted. "Pay up, Yvette!"

"You guys were betting on me, too?!"

"That was several years back, Vaughn, how are you still on that?"

"Technically, that was about three and a half years ago. Also the one thing with Fiona after, let's not forget that."

"Dammit, guys!" Rhys sighed. "It wasn't serious between me and Fiona. One time, one night. It was a long time ago. Let's drop it." Then he added quickly. "And not tell Zer0."

"Not tell Zer0 what?/"

Yvette and Vaughn looked behind Rhys without a word. Vaughn looked out the window, whistling and Yvette shrugged.

"L-Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. And III will tryyyy to fix youuuu...." The awful singing wasn't going to save him this time.

Zer0 glanced at Yvette, the requisitionist took this as an opportunity to grab Vaughn and bail.

"Look at the time! We gotta get going, Vaughn."

"I-Yeah, sure! See ya, Rhys!"

Yvette leaned in close to her friend and whispered. "Let us know it goes."

And with that, they quickly went for the door. "Bye, Rhys! Bye, Zer0!" The door slammed shut.

It was only the two of them and silence.

Rhys felt his cheeks heat up. Was Zer0 angry? He had never told them or Vaughn or even Yvette. He just now told them today.

He thought Zer0 was out.

"I, uh...didn't hear you come in."

Zer0 said nothing and gently pet Rhys' head.

"You... heard all that?"

He didn't see but he felt them nod.

"Are you mad with me?"

"Yes, I did hear that./ I won't judge you, Rhys. I can't./ Long time ago, right?/"

"Yeah... I didn't know how to tell you." he replied weakly. "I was...."

"...Scared that I would be angry?/"

He nodded slowly.

"I could never be angry./ They are not with you./"

Rhys said nothing, his gaze fixated on the floor.

"I am with you now/ The feelings have come and gone/ But you are still here./"

They were right. He was still here. Without going through all that, he wouldn't be sitting here, being around Zer0. Even if those feelings weren't serious back then it meant something now. Rhys smiled and looked up at Zer0.

"Thanks, Zer0."

"So what was this bet/ You and your friends talked about?/ Care to make it so?/"

"Yes, actually." The brunet instantly answered without second guessing. "I mean, if you're okay with that."

"I would like to help./ It'll be fun to see the/ Looks on their faces."

"Exactly what I was thinking!"

" **:D** "

"Oh, I love you!"

"I love you, too, Rhys."


	6. Dorky Duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys and Vaughn are attempting to become a boy band sensation.
> 
> Or probably not. They wouldn't get very far.

Just another Friday night alone with Zer0 out on another mission that lasted for days. It was nice that the place was quiet but it felt even quieter with Zer0 gone. It was almost boring.

Rhys was just about done doing laundry and was folding clothes when he got a call from Vaughn.

"Hey, buddy!" Rhys smiled when he answered. "What's up?"

"Well, since it's Friday and we figured you had nothing to do but laundry since Zer0 is away, Yvette and I thought you could hang out with your best friends."

"Oh, you know I'm down."

"Awesome! Be ready at nine we're coming to get you!" Then he hung up.

\--

Rhys was just putting on his jacket when there was a knock on the door. "Coming!"

He opened the door where Yvette and Vaughn were waiting.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah! Just let me grab my keys." Rhys retreated back inside, grabbing his housekeys before closing the door behind him.

They arrived at a karaoke bar, there were rows of private rooms, most of which were preoccupied. The sound of various voices singing to songs indistinctly all at once.

They finally reached a room of their own and opened the door. For a small room, it was rather spacious. The couches were along the walls facing the tv and a small stage with mics set up on the stand.

"Wow," Vaughn looked around as he stepped inside. "It looks pretty swanky!"

"I call the mic!" declared Yvette as she closed the door.

"Hello," Rhys began to sing.

Vaughn finished. "It's me."

"Yeah, no." Yvette laughed.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna order a drink then. Want anything, Vaughn?"

Zer0 and the other Vault Hunters were settling down to call it a day from a mission when the assassin's comm went off. They were sent a video from Yvette, which was odd because they had her number. They don't usually get calls from Rhys's friends but this one was quite interesting.

They pushed play and a couple of loud off-key voices played, overpowering the music in the background with Rhys and Vaughn dancing as they sang along to the song.

"I know that I can't take no more, it ain't no lie!"

"I wanna see you out that door..."

"Baby, bye, bye, bye!" The two sang while Yvette laughed in the background.

Zer0 chuckled a bit. They never thought to see Rhys doing something so silly out in public. But they understood what friendship was like. Rhys is such a dork and they loved him.

"Don't wanna be a fool for you. Just another player in your game for two," Rhys high fived Vaughn.

"You may hate me but it ain't no lie..."

"Baby, bye, bye, bye!"

"We are gonna be the next boy band! Just you wait!!" Vaughn shouted.

"Whoa, what are you watching?" Fiona was peeking over their shoulder.

"Oh my god, Yvette, are you recording this?!"

"Ohh."

"No, no!" And the video ends there.

"Wait, what?! Oh my god, play that again!" Fiona said and they replayed it over for her.

She laughed, wiping her tears after watching it. "You need to- Guys, you gotta come see this!" She said to the other Vault Hunters, beckoning them over.

Zer0 sighed and played it a few more times, the entire group dying of laughter.

"Oh, Zer0, your novio is so talented."

"I'd buy his album." Fiona joked with a laugh.

"Hahah. That's so embarrassing!"

"Play it one more time!"

"Does it not get old?/"

"No." The group replied.

After they had a good laugh, they finally gave Zer0 their peace of mind and they all had fallen asleep.

Zer0 was still awake, they volunteered to be look-out for the first few hours in case any bandits decide to crash in. They couldn't let their guard down for a moment. That and they had their mind on Rhys most of the time.

Boredly, the "zzz" appeared on the faceplate and they leaned back. Luckily, they were sent one more video to keep them occupied.

This time it was just Rhys with the mic. They were expecting something off-key, which they didn't mind at all but there was surprisingly pleasant singing.

"You're my sunshine after the rain, you're the cure against my fear and my pain..."

Zer0 glanced over at Fiona, who was squirming a bit in her sleep, her hat over her eyes.

"'Cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around. It's all because of you..."

They were taken aback. Was Rhys just singing badly on purpose, was the song changing something for him or were they too sleepy to hear anything off-key?

They watched it several times before suddenly dozing off.

Fiona had suddenly woken up and saw Zer0 laying comfortably on the ground. She was going to wake them but decided not to disturb their sleep. She noticed they didn't stir when she quietly went over to them.

"Sleep well." She said quietly.

Rhys's eyes flew open and he slowly sat up in bed at the dead of night.

"Who did Yvette just send that video to...?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been meaning to add some of the songs that I used but I just got lazy and also busy because I've been working lately. 
> 
> Well for now, just a list of the songs/lyrics basically if anyone wants to know the names. Just for this chapter lol I might do it for the rest of them too since I got some time. :)
> 
> Bye bye bye - Nsync  
> Because of you - 98 degrees


	7. You're Just... Really Sweet

Two bright, blue dots glowed in a blur of light before spinning as it blinked. Mechanical whirring and a quiet click meant movement and observation. Slowly, the vision turned clearer and a small, round robot appeared into view as it stared down at the sleepy assassin. It smiled before cheerily greeting them.

“Hi, Zer0!” The small robot exclaimed. “Good morning!”

“Good morning, Gortys/,” came the sleepy reply. “What are you doing in here?/ Is Loader Bot here?”

“Just me, today!” Gortys chirped happily. Despite the early hour, she spoke loudly. “Rhys said you were asleep and said not to bother you but I waited until you woke up! So I didn't bother you.”

“Hmm… Rhys.”

“He's out in the living room! Let's go find him! He's making beautiful sounds again!”

Zer0 was a bit curious as to what that meant but remembered Rhys’ singing took a surprising turn. At first, it was tolerable, now it was pleasant and easy to the ears. They didn't mind it all at first but now they never wanted him to stop.

“He sounds amazing!” Gortys cried with glee. “Before it used to be good but now it's wonderful!! I wish Loader Bot was here to listen to this.”

Zer0 was sure no one would want that. Fiona already witnessed the train wreck with Vaughn from the other day. But if they heard him now, they wouldn't believe it. Perhaps, they should show her that log...

From a distance, Rhys could be heard singing. Really, actual singing that didn't sound bad this time. Zer0 looked to Gortys who simply glanced back with a smile. They took her into their arms and got up from bed to find Rhys. It seems morning stretches and the like weren't essential to their usual routine. They were always the first to wake before Rhys, but today was different.

The scent of brewing coffee filled the place with its fresh aroma. The room looked a lot brighter now that the windows were open, Rhys nowhere to be found. They looked around before setting Gortys down onto the floor. The singing could be heard from the kitchen. They took a little peek and saw Rhys preparing breakfast.

“And I'll be your crying shoulder, I’ll be love's suicide,” he sang against the spatula. “And I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life.”

“ **:D** ” They stepped in from behind him. “But you are my fan, aren't you?”

“Hi, Rhys!”

“AAAAHH!” Rhys screamed, he scrambled to catch the spatula that flew out of his hands and caught it before it hit the floor. “Oh, God, why do you do that? Do you want me to die of a heart attack?”

“You won't die from that,” They said. “It would take a lot more to/ Make you stop breathing./”

“I...I don't know how I feel about that comment. Are you trying to tell me you'll smother me in my sleep?!”

“I will smother you./ I’ll smother you with my love./”

A blush rose on the brunet’s cheeks as he was told this. It sounded scary but it was also cute in a way. It made his heart turn into mush and he could just feel the love radiating from the assassin as they looked at him.

Rhys shyly rubbed the nape of his neck. “I don't know what to say about that.”

“Or you could kiss me.”

“Goddammit, why do you always do that to me?” He muttered under his breath. He really did want to kiss them, though, but nonchalantly dismissing a heart attack made him almost concerned for Zer0. Did they have any sense of empathy?

“Because I love you.”

Rhys chuckled, that didn't sound creepy at all. He loved Zer0 but sometimes he just wasn't sure if they were completely sane. Sure, they were an assassin but did the job of killing happen to make them come off as strange or maybe they were just like that by nature? What the hell was Zer0, anyway?

“And if I don't?”

“Because if you don't,/ No cinnamon rolls for you./ I'm serious, Rhys.”

“What?! No!” Rhys cried. “You can't! That's so cruel!”

Gortys gasped, putting her hands on her face in surprise, then a thought came to mind. “What's a cinnamon roll?”

“ **:)** ”

“That is the most sadistic look I have ever seen!” Rhys slouched over and groaned. He would do anything for those delicious cinnamon buns. He was still mad about Zer0 startling him.

“Fine… c’mere…” He reached out, his hands on either side of their helmet before pressing his lips against their faceplate.

The glass was cold to the touch but it gave a warm feeling to the brunet’s chest whenever he placed his lips against it.

 _...Just what would it be like to kiss whatever’s under that helmet?_ He often wondered. Either way, he didn't care what Zer0 was. It was nice having to see them every day and give them kisses every so often.

An endearing heart flashed on Zer0’s faceplate when the two gazed at each other before the assassin switched to a smile as Rhys smiled back at them. They leaned their helmet against his forehead, their hands interlaced together. It felt like a moment had passed as they stared at each other in intimate, yet comfortable silence until Gortys spoke up.

“You guys are so romantic!” She chirped. “Just like in the movies, but better!”

Rhys was almost startled by her outburst. He had forgotten Gortys was in the room with them. This sort of thing always happened whenever he and Zer0 were lovey-dovey, so the little robot wasn't excluded in the list of being an awkward third wheel. She didn't seem to mind it, at least. Everyone just seemed to fade away when he was with Zer0. Holding hands, kisses and warm, fluffy feelings as they embraced, whether or not they were alone or with other people. The smell of something burning in the air and the sound of loud, obnoxious beeping replaced the smell of fresh coffee, bringing Rhys back into the realm of reality when he realized he was still cooking breakfast.

“Oh, crap!” He turned around and shut the stove off, grabbing a rag nearby and fanning it towards the alarm to get it to stop beeping.

Zer0 stared at the black, crisp remnants that were once eggs and bacon that sat burning in the pan. They took it by the handle before disposing the monstrosity into the trash. They glanced at Rhys who was opening the window to air out the smell before leaving the kitchen. They placed the used pan into the sink before preparing another round of breakfast by scavenging the fridge for food and ingredients.

“Can I help?” Gortys raised her hand with glee, waving. “I wanna make this breakfast stuff! Even though I can't eat, I just want to watch it cook and stuff.”

“I could use some help/,” they said, picking Gortys up and placing her on the counter before petting her head. “I’ll let you know what I need,/ Then you go get it.”

“Okay!”

Rhys returned to the kitchen to see Gortys and Zer0 preparing some breakfast, with a not-so-subtle scent of cinnamon lingering in the air. He was sure there would be something good for breakfast today if the aroma was a fragrant spice.

"Is that what I think it is?” He was trying to contain his excitement.

“It is what you think.”

"Oh, yaaay!” Rhys cheered, followed by Gortys cheering along with him, holding up eggs in her hands. He then cleared his throat before trying to be casual. “I mean, yeah, that's awesome. You work fast.”

Zer0 chuckled, “You can feel happy./ There's only three of us here,/ Don't be ashamed, Rhys.”

“Ahahaha… yeah, I just thought cheering was a bit much.”

“But cheering is fun!” Gortys said as she cracked an egg over the pan. “Just watch!” She looked to the egg that slowly fizzled. “You can do it! You can do it! Go, go, go! Can it go faster if Rhys sings to it?”

“I’m pretty sure it'll still go the same pace,” he said. _Sing to it…? I'm pretty sure it would burn up again._

“If you sang to me,/ I might work a lot faster./ I like your singing.” Zer0 teased as they flipped the eggs over then dropped in some bacon.

“Wow, what's that?!” cried Gortys. “It's _huuuuuge_!”

“You're….” Rhys grew flustered by Zer0’s comment, he couldn't retort. That was really sweet of them, but he knew he couldn't sing that great so it was a bit embarrassing to receive such a compliment. “Th-That's...really sweet…”

“Awwww…” cooed Gortys.

“ **< 3**"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's recap. Sorry I haven't been updating this lately. Mostly, because I've been working and I was super lazy and some writer's block was involved. 
> 
> Thanks to Honeyberries for being my new beta buddy! :)
> 
> Also the song Rhys was singing: I'll Be by Edwin McCain (love this song!)


	8. A Night Out

Rhys and Sasha were hanging out at The Purple Skag on a Friday night. Zer0 was with Fiona and the other Vault Hunters while Rhys was on his day off. The two reached a mutual agreement to hang out away from each other once in awhile to maintain a healthy relationship. As much as Rhys enjoyed Zer0’s catlike affection, he did like time for himself.

“Did you guys really have a serious conversation like that?” Sasha laughed as she couldn't believe what she had just heard. Rhys and Zer0 away from each other? She couldn't imagine hearing those two words in a single sentence. “You guys act like a married couple, did you know that?”

“No, Sasha, I didn't know that,” Rhys replied sarcastically. “But we are still madly in love with each other, okay?”

“Oh, gosh,” Sasha rolled her eyes. “Spare me the details.”

“Spare me another word of your conversation, I really don't want to hear any more of it.” August was behind the counter wiping some of his beer glasses after a wash.

“Someone's being salty this evening,” said Sasha.

“Someone's just mad because he isn't in love with anyone.”

August feigned a laugh. “You would know, she screwed me on the deal!”

“You pointed a gun at me!” Sasha snapped, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

“Oh, so we're talking about this again!”

“Guys, guys!” Rhys cut in to clear the air. “It's Friday, we're here to hang out! Enjoy yourselves!”

“I want to but he's being so bitter about what happened a long time ago.”

“You sure you guys aren't dating anymore, because…”

“NO!” They shouted and glared at him.

“Okay,” Rhys shrank in his seat. “I'll be over here if you need me.”

August snorted. “Like I would waste any more of my time with her.”

“Well, it seems we were thinking the same thing!” Sasha mocked him. “I don't even know what I saw in you when we first met…”

Sasha was still droning on as Rhys watched them argue with each other. Rhys shook his head and took a swig of his bottle of rakk ale. It wasn't anything he liked but it was better than hearing the other two go on about how much they hated each other. He asked for another bottle and August distractedly gave him another. Little did they know what kind of consequence this would entail for them both.

 

“Hey, Zer0, you know your… comm has been ringing for the past fifteen minutes?” Maya asked as the insistent ringing started to get to her.

“I haven't noticed,/ It’s been very loud in here./ Who is calling me?” Zer0 answered the call and was met with indistinct shouting and awful singing on Rhys’ part.

“Hello, who is this?”

“Get him off the table!” August was heard shouting and there was a huge commotion in the background followed by scattered applause and laughter from drunks.

“Are you calling him right now?! Please say you are!” August was shouting.

“Hey, it's not ‘him’, it's them!” Sasha yelled back. “Zer0! Hey!”

“Sasha? What's happened?”

“It’s a… long story.”

Zer0 flinched when they heard loud singing nearby over in Sasha's side of the call. It startled them because they had forgotten Rhys would sing badly. They had grown accustomed to his real singing.

“Touch me once and you know it's true,” Rhys sang. “I never wanted anyone like this. It's all brand new! You'll feel it in my kiss! I’M CRAZY FOR YOU!!”

“SASHA, HELP ME OUT HERE!!!”

“You might want to get over here to The Purple Skag, ASAP!” Sasha said to them urgently. “I don't think August can handle this by himself.”

“Okay,” Zer0 replied before hanging up. “Goodbye now.”

They looked up from the call and turned to the other Vault Hunters who were staring back at them. Maya was holding back a laugh while the others smiled and Fiona burst out laughing.

“Oh my god!” Fiona guffawed, letting a few snorts slip out here and there. “It sounds even worse when he’s drunk!”

The rest of them began to laugh as the Siren put her hand on the assassin's shoulder but she laughed along with them. “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

Zer0 groaned at the teasing that was being conducted towards them. They didn't mind picking up Rhys but their friends were having too much fun eavesdropping on their phone call. Rhys must have been screaming his lungs out for them to overhear.

“Shut up. Leave him be./ I’m picking him up./ I like his singing./” They snapped before walking out of Moxxi’s bar.

“Zer0, don't lie to yourself for his sake, amigo!” mused Salvador.

“But, I’m not lying,” Zer0 said. “I can't help but feel mushy.”

“You keep telling yourself that, buddy.” Fiona wasn't convinced. But Zer0 was already out the door.

  * With a single push of a button from Fast Travel, they appeared at Hollow Point within seconds. Just ahead was August’s bar. It seemed like a rather shady area with psychos and thugs. Zer0 was an assassin, if anyone tried to do anything to them they would taste the very ground they stood. It didn't take very long until the purple sign with a skag wearing a little, black top hat appeared before them. The bouncer, Tector, made way for them; assuming Zer0 was friends with August as them and Rhys would tag along with Fiona or Sasha once in awhile.



Zer0 stepped into the bar, it looked absolutely normal save for the passed out drunks on the table. Sasha looked fine while August looked like he needed an aspirin and Rhys was sitting between them eating from a bowl of chips.

“Do you have any curly fries?” asked Rhys. “You should have curly fries. I’d be here all day for that!”

“No, I won't because I don't want you here.”

“Why not, August? You'd get more customers that way.”

“If Rhys is one of them? No thanks,” said August. “I’ve had enough Rhys for one night.” August looked up to see the assassin standing at the counter, Sasha's gaze followed.

“What was occurring?” they wondered.

“Oh, you missed out. August was wrestling Rhys to the ground to get him to stop singing.”

Zer0 turned to August. “ **> :(**“

“I did not do that to him!” yelled August. “Don't go telling lies, Sash!”

“I was only kidding,” mused Sasha. “Rhys started singing for a good few minutes and August gave him a little snack. He’s fine now.”

“Sing? I can sing!” Rhys cried.

“No!” The other two cried.

“But, I **can** sing!” Rhys noticed Zer0 and smiled. “Heeyyy, cutie! Do you come here often?”

“ **:)** ” Zer0 chuckled softly and pet the brunet’s head. “With my boyfriend mostly.”

“I wonder who the lucky guy is.” Rhys hummed and leaned into their touch.

“I’m looking at him.”

“Oh my god, Sasha, we’re dating!”

“Yes, Rhys,” she chuckled. “I can see that.”

“I need a barf bag,” muttered August as he took a long swig of his drink. “Rhys, you're drunk! Go home!”

“I will!” Rhys said as he stood, knocking the bowl of chips off the table before clinging to the assassin. “And I'm taking this sweet thang with me!”

“Bye, Rhys!” waved Sasha. “Have fun, Zer0!”

“Goodbye.” they said as they led Rhys out the bar.

“Sweet thang?” August laughed. “Oh, goodness me.”

“What a dork,” Sasha shook her head. “At least there's one person who can tolerate him.”

“I don't know if I should be happy for Rhys or feel sorry for Zer0.”

“I’m just surprised they have such a stable relationship. To be honest, I’m a little jealous. Mine could have gone better.”

August frowned and looked at Sasha. “The hell is that ‘sposed to mean?”

====

“We arrived home, Rhys,” Zer0 informed as they set him down gently onto the bed. They were about to get up when Rhys pulled them back down, leaving kisses on their faceplate. They chuckled at the sudden affection. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not letting you go, Zer0,” Rhys sing-songs as he wraps his arms around their neck, nuzzling his face against their faceplate.

“What do you imply?” They leaned against his forehead, wrapping their arms around his waist.

Rhys chuckled softly, whispering. “Maybe you could take off that helmet and make this night a little better?”

Zer0’s faceplate was burning red from the soft tone that left a shiver down their spine. It had been more than a couple years that they and Rhys had been dating and never in their wildest dreams would they imagine him being so seductive, it could just be the alcohol in his system but seeing this whole other side of him took them by surprise. It was mildly impressive. The usual flustered Rhys was now making them speechless and flustered.

Rhys smiled and kissed the faceplate before lovingly gazing into the glass before him, admiring the assassin through heterochromatic eyes. He always wondered what they looked like behind the helmet. As much as he liked seeing cute emoticons, he wanted to see Zer0 for who they are.

“Guess it can’t be helped.” Zer0 sighed, amusingly shaking their head before sitting up. Their hands moved under their head before slipping off the helmet and carelessly tossing it aside.

 

It was going to be an interesting night for them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost at the end!!! I know it's too early for a speech but I would like to thank my beta for all the hardwork of editing and encouragement to keep me going. And to all my readers who stuck around to see this mess become something better. 
> 
> It's been fun. 
> 
> But don't worry, I'm just getting started. ;)
> 
> Crazy For You - Madonna


End file.
